My experience having a foster child at home.

I was adopted when I was younger, so I’ve had experiences being both the foster child as well as the “birth” child, I know what it’s like to be on both sides and how that affects the home.

It wasn’t easy at first, it felt like such a dynamic shift, so different to what I was used to. When we moved to Shropshire, my sister was away at university so for the first year and a half of being here, I was the “only child”. To suddenly have someone come in and change that was a lot to deal with, it’s one of those experiences that is completely unique. There is absolutely nothing like it. You might have had someone staying over, or a lodger but to have a foster child come in is a completely different experience and you won’t know how that affects you until they’re there. You can have different preconceptions of what it’ll be like but, again you just don’t know and that’s okay. You hear from different people that it’ll be a big change, and things will be different, but how that change manifests can be so varying, and the way people react too.

When our foster child first came in, I was not a happy bunny, I don’t react well to drastic change and so all I could think was “I don’t want her here, leave my house”; and that was no fault of hers and not a reflection of her character. Slowly, as I learnt to adapt and things got easier, she was easier to deal with, but those first few months were hard! It felt very isolating at first, I was used to it being just me and my parents but when she came in, almost all their attention shifted onto her. Being that bit older, I was able to look at the situation and know why they had to give her so much attention, but it did feel a bit alone in the experience and that’s never nice. I have since had conversations with my parents about how I felt and they have taken that into account, but they were quite tunnel vision at first and I think that’s something foster carers should be aware of, there is someone else there and no matter how old they are, they still need their parents. I think it’s also a good idea to do something with the other child as well, something that might not involve the foster child, making time to remind them that you’re still there for them and they are just as worthy of your attention.